I’ve done a lot of really hard things in my life. Sometimes I do them just because they are hard. You only grow through challenging yourself.
I know its trite, but being a father is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also extremely rewarding. It's funny, that like most things, what I thought was going to be hard was the easy part, and things I didn’t even really consider are the really hard bits.
When our first was born we were completely unprepared. She was 4 weeks early and we were still getting it all together. Sitting in the hospital with a newborn we were terrified that we wouldn’t keep her safe and alive. She spit up and my immediate reaction was to roll her on her side like I would a drunk friend… figured out that wasn’t the appropriate action pretty quickly. I don’t think you can ever be prepared for having a new human being that you are 100% responsible for.
It turns out that newborns are the easiest part. They don’t really move around on their own. They sleep a lot. Really they eat, sleep a lot, and poop. Simple stuff to deal with really. Its when they become mobile, start to have their own motivations, and start to express themselves that it becomes a challenge, but also super fun. Every day is a new adventure, and you get to see them experience everything for the first time. How fast they learn is unreal.
Now I have new terrifying things to deal with. Dating, driving, high school, college, independence and letting go, etc. Plus, dealing with the fallout of the divorce.
I feel like I fail them regularly. Am I only the guy that makes them do their chores and homework? Do I let them have enough time to just relax? Do I let them watch too much TV, play on their phones excessively, not pay attention to them on video games? Is letting them leave their rooms a disaster area good or bad? Do I say “no” too much? Am I giving them enough attention?
Our job is to prepare them to be able to take care of themselves. Try to help them avoid the really permanent mistakes but allow them to fail, as hard as it is to let them do so. Sometimes its really painful to watch them make the same mistakes you did, or that you can see failure coming because of experience. Honestly, that is the hardest part for me.
I’m over protective. I really do try to keep anything bad from happening. One part of my job is looking ahead to all the ways things can go wrong, then working to avoid or mitigate the possibilities. Unfortunately, doing that with the kids often results in me sheltering them too much and that is counter productive to making sure they are prepared to deal with things.
I want the best for them and sometimes I push too hard.I sometimes struggle with letting them be themselves… they aren’t me, they are their own person. Sometimes I see them do something amazing and they constantly surprise me. I see a glimmer of what great people they really are and how they are each unique. I’m always proud of them and they are a never ending source of new things to be proud of them for.
